When enough is enough.

My first photo. I wanted it to look horrible. I was successful. No one ever has a good first photo.

Okay, so here I go! I decided to do Crossfit because I've been dealing with a lot of depression. I know that probably sounds pretty crazy, but in the past I've found that working out has helped me. The problem is that my depression has gotten seriously out of control. I'm discovering things about myself that I didn't even realize were bothering me. Things I'd been pushing behind that little door in my mind. The biggest thing was the death of my mother last year. The circumstances surrounding it were a little unexpected and incredibly stressful. So, I did what many people do under large amounts of stress. I pushed it all to the back of my mind and went into survival mode. I did everything that I could to not deal with it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing that was weighing on my mind. I've gotten to the point where I don't have any more room in my head for anything. Enough is enough! I truly need something to keep my mind clear so I can deal with all of this. My mom died in March of 2011, and over a year later I still haven't really dealt with it.

Here's where Crossfit comes into play. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm somewhat obsessed with working out. I used to be a dancer/gymnast, I LOVE running, and I'm usually down for just about any crazy workout you can imagine (Insanity, P90X, etc.) Now, that being said, I will work out seriously for anywhere from 6 months to a year, lose a ton of weight, feel great, only to fall off and get chubby again. I needed something where I would be held accountable, and would have people around me to support me when I started to feel weak or freak out. I'd heard about Crossfit, but refused to join because I didn't want to fall into another "trendy workout routine"...until now...

So here's the "skinny."

Day 1: I was scared to go alone, so I invited my friend Alyson who is a workout junkie. She's incredibly fit and I'm incredibly competitive, so I knew she would motivate me. We showed up at this store front that also houses batting cages, but in the very back there is this gym...well sort of. It's not the type of gym that you would normally go to with cardio machines, free weights, and cute little suburbanites going to classes. It looked like something out of my uncle's old garage, with pull up bars, kettle bells, medicine balls, etc. I poked out my chest and refused to be intimidated, but inside I was scurred. So, Debbie, the super fit, peppy instructor started explaining movements to us. After about a 45 minute instructional session she says, "Okay! Are you ready for a workout?" I look over at Alyson, and she's all wide eyed with her little cheerleader ponytail like, "Woo! Let's do it!!" I tried to control my face...cuz I was done. BUT I bucked up and decided to do it. So Debbie wrote down our workout:

3 Repetitions
10 Air Squats
10 Kettle Bell Swings
10 Pull ups
10 Dead lifts
10 Butterfly sit-ups
300 meter run

Soooooo...we start. About half way through the dead lifts I was ready to punch myself, except for the fact that I couldn't lift my arm to swing at the fly that was buzzing around our heads. Nevermind the fact that I haven't done a pull up in YEARS, but Debbie gave us these awesome bands that made it much easier. As we start the run, I barely can keep up with Alyson (aka Jack Rabbit). My competitive nature keeps me right beside her, but I'm DYING! Debbie then relieves me by telling me that we'll cut the 2nd round in half and omit the third. "You don't want to overdo it on your first time," she says. I was SO relieved, because I knew, if Alyson was gonna do it I was gonna do it. So we finished our run and I have to say...I LOVED IT! This sick form of getting fit torture, I TOTALLY LOVED! I'm a little sore tonight, but I was expecting that. I'm going to do my regular 5-6 mile run tomorrow, and on Friday I'll be back at the hole in the wall gym burning my jigglies off! This time I don't quit...