So, this past the weekend the hubs went up to Maryland to watch the Virginia Tech game, so I was here alone with our son. That makes working out a little difficult. I could probably have pulled out a P90X video or some Insanity, but I opted to do nothing. I missed my Friday Crossfit workout (because of my laziness), and Saturday I missed the running club because I couldn't take our son with me. It was a rude awakening for me because I realized that I NEED EXERCISE.
The blues came on fast. Friday was okay, but by Saturday I really felt like I couldn't deal. I tried distracting myself by hanging out with friends, but it didn't seem to work. It was like all of a sudden the whole world was coming at me. I started thinking about EVERYTHING. Even while I was hanging out with my girlfriends I started to think about and talk about mom. It was too much. Here's the thing. I don't think that exercising makes my problems go away, but it definitely helps me compartmentalize them. I am able to bite off just a little bit at a time. If I don't exercise I just wallow in my own self pity and I start to feel like I'm drowning.
The fact of the matter is, I'm incredibly depressed. I put on a good front for the world. Nobody knows or will ever understand everything that I've had to deal with. I can no longer deny myself healing. There are moments when I don't want to get out of bed. There are moments when I feel like no one cares. There are moments when I feel like the entire world is crashing down on me and there is nothing that I can do. In those moments, I look for something that can bring me home again. Something that will help me fight through it. Sometimes it's my beautiful baby boy, sometimes it's performing, and sometimes it's crying. Crying. I've been doing a lot of that lately. They're always good cries. Cleansing. Something I've learned about life is that there are things that you may never get over, but you learn how to deal with them. In all of this personal pain and grief I am learning how to deal with everything. My life is beautiful. I am beautiful, and I have so much to offer the world. I thought a long time about writing this blog because it may get pretty personal. I'm doing it for personal healing, but I'm also doing it because I may be able to touch another person's life by sharing what I'm going through. Yes, it may be "nonconventional. But, that's Sarah Carter. I read this quote on a friend's Facebook page this morning, and it totally describes me in a nutshell. It's so true, so take it or leave it! "If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing YOU can be." -Maya Angelou
Oh yeah, Crossfit was awesome today! As usual!
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