So it's been several months since I've written a blog. Mostly because I'm completely swamped with life. And...I've been laid up. On January 2, 2013 I finally did something I've wanted to do for a very long time. I went back and forth about it, and even hid it from my family members. Okay, so, I had a tummy tuck. Cat's out of the bag.
I'm sure most of you are thinking I'm insane, or a hypocrite, or even lazy. Or, possibly that I don't love myself or my body as much as I say. I'm here to tell you that all of those things are far from the truth. I decided to do this for SARAH CARTER. No one else. After having my son it took a very long time for me to get back to my pre-baby weight. For me it took almost 3 years, and then I struggled to maintain. When I discovered CrossFit, it completely changed my life, but it also highlighted a major area that I wanted to repair. My stomach.
Now, I will spare posting photos because I have a tendency to attract weirdos, and I have coworkers who read my blog. I can be incredibly descriptive though...
My tummy looked like Freddie Kruger's face. I mean straight up like something out of a horror movie. I hated how it looked. It didn't matter how much exercise I did. It would not get any better. So, I started looking into abdominoplasty. First of all, this is MAJOR surgery. It's not like having your wisdom teeth out or a mole removed. They slice open your stomach, seperate your skin from the membrane that covers your muscle, sew your muscle together, then glue and sew you closed. (I know you like my "non-medical" description). I mean I was really scared. Not to mention the fact that they put you out. I battled with myself. A lot. I thought about my husband and son, and if something happened to me what would they do. I though about if there was a mistake and I ended up being mutilated. I thought about the cost, and if it was really worth it. I thought about what people would think of me. There were so many things weighing on my mind. Reality is, I had done my research, found a great surgeon, and talked it over with my husband. It was a go.
So, the night before the surgery they had me take Xanax to relax. They also told me to take one in the morning, so when I got to the surgery center I was high as a kite! I can honestly say that I was VERY relaxed. Now, obviously it is completely strange to be standing in your underwear letting someone draw all over your stomach...well...at least for me it was. :-/ After the surgeon outlined where he'd be cutting they took me in to the surgery room, had me lay down on a heated table, and I was out. The surgery went well, and when I woke up. The nurses were like, "do you want to look at it before we wrap you up." All I kept asking was, "Did I snore?"and "Sure, I'll look at it." Then the WORST part happened. They put on the binder. When I moved I thought for sure that I was gonna split open. I mean for real. I kept cursing loudly (which I later apologized to the nurse for), but I have never felt this kind of fire before. It was horrible.
When we got home, I took my meds and passed out asleep. I basically slept on the couch propped up for two weeks and watched the entire series of weeds. The first time I looked at my stomach I was mortified. What had I done to myself?? I couldn't stand up straight. I had drains on both of my hips, and I COULDN'T GO TO CROSSFIT! But it was done, so all I could do was try to heal.
I went back to the CrossFit gym after 4 weeks. I felt okay, but as soon as I started working out I knew it was too soon. The doctor had cleared me for exercise, but I couldn't even do the most basic move. That's when the real frustration set in. After my first workout back I went and sat in my car and cried. My vanity had taken over. I was so angry at myself, and had no way to purge my emotions. That's what CrossFit was for me. It kept me stable. I got the tummy tuck to get my pretty brown stomach back. Well, I got it...
(to be continued)
